Just a ramble. A disturbed ramble? I don't know. Just in case.
So, I read Deep Frozen Scars and The Beautiful Voice myself and enjoy it, then I noticed that...not many fic can delivers such feels like them. Is it just me?
I am quite startled myself, I thought, "Am I really writing this? Or I just gawked and wrote it without thinking?"
I read it more slowly and compared them with other fic. I know what's different and not, what unique and mainstream, but my focus is on the story...plot and how they deliver the feels, fluff, explicit contents feeling, and of course, the happy part.
It's...I'm quite surprised myself, I have the unique feelings stories, but how to deliver them feelings?
It's awful, like I AM NOT writing like other Author, they wrote like they played chess with dolls they care. While I wrote like played the dolls in a drama full of traps and cold ice.
When the ice trapping the dolls, they suffered but I add some warm water on their heads, after that knitted and fix'em. If I'm bored with talking, I don't move the chess like other Author, I just prepared them a private room with dangerous snakes inside, making the dolls cried and moving forward by themselves.
I'm not playing chess with rules, I hate rules, I love freedom.
I'm not giving them chocolate, I gave them deadly poison and drugs.
I'm not killing them outside like 'dead' or 'not-moving', it's too simple. I killed them inside first, slowly and painfully, until I bored I threw them to fire. But I'm not killing them, because it's too simple making me more bored inside.
I don't cringed and say, "This is the feels," when the feels come, I said calmly, "This is not enough, I'm not crying yet." And I huffed.
If anyone ask; "Why did you like to write Angst?"
Sometimes I thought, maybe other Author will say, "Because my story is sad and have so much feels." "Because I killed one of them, or two of them." "Because they don't deserve happiness."
I will answer, "I like to write it because it brought tears to them. Both readers and the people I wrote in the stories."
If they asked again; "So you want the people you wrote cry and the readers too?"
I'll say, "Yes. YES. I want to see it. But it's not as simple as that. I want to deliver the feelings in righteous. So I can see clearly, that the people who cried and suffers in my fic? Is because they cried for someone and suffered to sacrificed themselves for their loved ones. I'm not cruel, I care for them. It's just like barter but with feels for the trade."
If anyone ask again: "What is your key Chel? Your center in writing Angst?"
Maybe I'll laughed. But answered anyway, "Just care for them. How much do you care for them? It'll automatically drive your stories on, and make you wanted to read and write about it more and more. And maybe also drawing them."
Maybe I can write happy times but it's a bit empty because cramped with feels.
Maybe I can write smut but it's lustful not love.
Maybe I can write my MC dies but it's a run away to pause my crazy sadistic thoughts to give a time out for readers.
Maybe I say I care, but really guys, with that many feels? You'll say I'm cruel instead. And maybe I am X"D
I love being cruel, I love to write Angst, I love to draw them, but I'm obviously not selfish because I share it to you guys!~
I'll write another story, more fluff, more despair, more broken people, and of course, with more unique feelings attached~
Thanks for reading my ramble
KEEP CALM AND MAKE MORE DEVIATIONS YOU AWESOME DEVIANTS!!!